Buzzword Overkill

My work life has recently been unsatisfying.

There was the smallest bonuses in years (and by bonus, I mean "we are going to give you less base salary so we can give you a BOUNS! And then we will screw you on the bonus, so really . . . we got you both ways!). Next came meager raises and another round of RIFs looming in the not so distant future.

This joy was followed up by the influx of a new group to my cubicle area. Prior to this, one other lady and I were spoiled. We were the only two people in a large bank of cubes. It was our domain and we were happy damn it. I took one day off and a flock of people moved in and now surround me. My special favorite is the lady who verbalizes a stream of consciousness all day long. This is how I know that she hasn't ever started a 401K because saving for the future is dumb, is spending her meager bonus on granite counter tops for her trailer house, must poop on a specific schedule, and must have a smoke break every two hours. She also takes conference calls on a blasting speakerphone several times a day. No one is in there with her and she doesn't ever even speak. I know more about what their group does than she does I am quite sure.

Her friend has set up an audible message each time she gets an email - at least 40 times a day I hear "Mistress, you have mail." Sigh.

I haven't had to listen to them this week though, as I have been sequestered in a conference room with 15 of my new closest pals tasked with a high profile project of redesigning and merging some systems. After the first day filled with terms like agnostic platforms and bifurcated processes I wanted to cry. After the second day of quick wins, low hanging fruit, speed to market and client accessibility I was ready to put a bullet in my head. By day three, I was numb.

On the bright side . . . a nice lady wheeled in a cart of fresh baked cookies each afternoon. Makes it all worthwhile. I am living the dream.