Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, have to get away!

Lately, I feel like I am somewhat close to a nervous breakdown. I am overworked, over stressed, and over extended.

But . . . things are looking up. Very soon I will be here:

doing this:

this:

and definitely this:

I am excited about this trip. I am going to knock three things off my life list, and partially complete two more. I am going to the beach, going scuba diving, and taking a trip alone. It's kind of weird though - people feel sorry for me.

I have great friends, great family, a pretty nifty Rockstar, and four fabulous mutts. Any and all of them could come too. But the thought taking a trip alone to decompress is very exciting. I don't have to worry about feeding anyone but myself, laundry, scheduling or doing anything I don't want to do. I also have to rely on myself for all decisions. Tentative plans include sleeping, eating, sampling the local rum, scuba diving and/or snorkeling, yoga and reading. Maybe a trip to some Mayan ruins or caves if I am feeling particularly ambitious. If not, I will lounge on the beach or in a hammock. Yes, you can see how tragic it is that I will be traveling alone.

Ancient Chinese Secrets

A couple of weeks ago we got some very appropriate fortune cookies. The Rockstar got the one on top: "You are always welcome in any gathering. Host a party this month." We laughed because he had been talking about throwing himself a birthday party for a while. Message received, party held.

My cookie said "Need some adventure and enjoyment? Take a vacation." We laughed at this one too. I have been whining about a vacation for months. We were scheduled to take a very big trip last fall and the plans fell through for various reasons. It has been a bone of contention in our household. There are various other plans being discussed, but nothing set in stone. I find myself distracted a lot lately, and almost daily I find myself daydreaming about a trip. Different places, different people, sometimes with the Rockstar, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. One thing is for sure, I need to go somewhere some time soon.

Back in January I wrote about spending more time out doing and less time holding down the fort. I haven't spent much time out doing since then. Message received loud and clear.

I guess no one said that life is fair.

I have probably known a disproportionate amount of death in my life. Some of it due to being adopted by parents who were in their 5o's when I was born (can you imagine? but that's a story for another day). Three grandparents gone by the time I was born, one when I was a kid. My parents within 6 months of each other when I was 21. Growing up in a small town meant that I had several friends die by the time I made it out of high school. College friends added to the count. Ironic that a suicide led to a funeral with more than 1000 people crowding into the church. Volunteer work with a cancer charity led me even closer to many wonderful people who are no longer with us.

With this life experience you would think that I have learned to accept it.

A few days ago I got an update from a friend that I have known since I was a kid. She has been battling cancer for almost year. She was always the good one. The vegetarian since we were young (growing up in a small town in the middle of ranching country - she was the only one), always exercised, always healthy. After a series of chemo and radiation that was pretty rough, they have run tests. The cancer is back. It has spread. It is inoperable. She is 36. She has 4 young children.

It makes me angry

It makes me sad.

It makes me want to tell everyone who is important to me how much I love them.

It makes me want to see more of the world.

It makes me want to make a difference.

It makes me want to make the most of every single day.

Many people have said it best: cancer sucks.